IN the land of Gishood, where the unnavigable and navigable rivers joined, there was a great city and a great people, long now perished from earth and history. Before the time of forgetting, devout and warlike kings reigned in Gishood, who ruled the people in the service of the Great God Nog.
Their society stood firm upon the fifty-one thousand commandments of Nog, the god who had dwelled there in even ancienter days. He had moved among the people and taught them of the proper times to call out to certain stars and other worlds. He taught them right from wrong, and the breaking of bread and the forging of steel.
But Nog like all gods knew his time would pass away, for he was immortal, but stone was more immortal still, and so he ordered his priestly caste to cut into the cliffs of the unnavigable river his fifty-one thousand commandments, that they would continue to guide his people long after his immortal form had turned to starlight and silent snow.
And in numberless ages after the day when the soul of the great god Nog drifted into the outer planes, his people kept his commandments.
The first commandment of Nog was this: KNOW YE THAT ONE OF MY COMMANDMENTS IS GREATEST, FOR IT CANNOT BE OTHERWISE
The second commandment of Nog was this: HONOR EACH OF MY COMMANDMENTS IN TURN, AND YE WILL FIND REST AND SALVATION
The third commandment of Nog was this: DEFY MY COMMANDMENTS, AND YE SHALL SUFFER AND PERISH
The fourth commandment of Nog was this: ANOTHER MAN SHALL TAKE UP WHAT YE CAST AWAY
The fifth commandment of Nog was this: LET NO MAN KILL HIS FELLOW MAN SAVE TO SPARE THE LIFE OF A FRIEND
The sixth commandment of Nog was this: KEEP HOLY THE NINTH DAY, AND THE NINTH MONTH, WHEN ALL SHALL REST IN SILENCE AND AWAIT THE RETURN OF NOG
There were many more commandments, far more practical than these. The Fifty-Second commandment of Nog was A SILVER PIECE SHALL FOREVER BE SUFFICIENT TO PURCHASE A BUSHEL OF GRAIN FROM THE PRIESTHOOD. The Seven-Thousand-and-Forty-Fourth commandment of Nog was IF A BOATMAKER SHOULD CREATE A FAULTY VESSEL, AND A PASSENGER DROWN, THE LIFE OF THE BOATMAKER IS FORFEIT. The Thirty-Nine Thousand-Seven-Hundred-and-Tenth commandment of Nog was IF A DOG RUN WILD AND KILL A CHILD, THE LIFE OF THE OWNER IS FORFEIT but the very next commandment was IF A DOG RUN WILD AND MAIM A CHILD, THE OWNER SHALL PAY THREE SILVER PIECES and the one after that IF A DOG RUN WILD AND HARM A CHILD, THE OWNER SHALL PAY ONE SILVER PIECE.
And after Nog had ascended it was the priesthood who interpreted his commandments. If ever there was a dispute about whether a vessel had been "faulty" or whether a dog had "maimed" or merely "harmed" a child, or what it meant precisely to "rest in silence", it was the priesthood who interpreted the commandments of Nog. Indeed, for unnumbered years the priesthood carefully scrutinized the acts of king and country, that they would adhere to the eternal will of Nog.
There were many commandments. Our story concerns, in part, the Ninety-Sixth Commandment of Nog. It said: "NONE SHALL BE CORONATED AS KING WHO HAS NOT WON VICTORY FOR NOG ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE"
This was (probaly) not the greatest commandment of Nog, but it was rightwise considered quite important (as were all the fifty-one thousand commandments). There were other laws, earlier on in the list, that dictated the myriad ways a king would be chosen, for example the Seventy-Fifth commandment of Nog said THE KING SHALL BE THE OLDEST MALE SON OF THE PREVIOUS KING UNLESS HE BE A BASTARD and the Seventy-Sixth commandment of Nog said IF NO MALE SON BE FOUND, THE KINGSHIP SHALL PASS TO THE BROTHER OF THE KING...and so on.
For untold generations, a soon-to-be-crowned king would be coronated thusly (In Accordance with Commandments Eighty-One Through Eighty-Nine): Flanked by two of the highests priests of Nog, the soon-to-be-crowned-king would approach the great citadel of Pnath, where the ever-vigilant guard stood ever-vigilant. They would part, and upraise their golden spears. The soon-to-be-crowned king would approach the mighty oaken doors of the citadel, far too strong for any man or team of men to open, and the ingenious engineers of the citadel would shift secret counterweights and bid the doors to open. The soon-to-be crowned king would enter the citadel, with the people following behind him, whereupon he would call out to the twilight wardens of the citadel within, who would issue from the shadows in their silken masks and set the soon-to-be-crowned king upon a silver litter encrusted with moonstones, where he would be taken to the heart of the citadel and set on a throne of alabaster (where it was once said in ages past that Nog himself had sat). Then, from the shadows, the oldest elder of the common people of Gishood, who still had the faculty of reason, would pronounce the man who sat upon the throne was king, and the youngest youth of the common people of Gishood who had attained the faculty of speech would proclaim the soon-to-be-crowned king to be king.
It happened though that after many centuries an old king perished, and the time came for his younger son to take up the crown, and it was said in certain quarters that he had not yet won victory for Nog on the field of battle. It was said that this prince had seen battle, perhaps more than one, but no victories, and certainly no victories for Nog. This was a rare thing indeed, for as aforementioned the kings of Gishood were devout and warlike, and generally won many battles for Nog early in their career. This prince was different. Perhaps.
And so as they had always done the priests set about chewing their beards, and fretting over tomes of ancient lore, and casting dice and cards, in the hopes of determining the Will of Nog. The priests found, in their musings, that many generations past a prince in a time of peace had fought in no battles at all, and had to wait decades to assume the crown of Gishood. It was found that many generations before that, a young child would have inherited, and the priests at the time had followed other laws of Nog and named his distant cousin heir (a great man who had seen many battles indeed)...but the priests were all in agreement that never before had they had to interpret this commandment to any great degree. Never before had the priesthood been called upon to determine the precise meaning of those portentous words "WON VICTORY FOR NOG"
Some priests offered that the commandment may simply have been about securing a leader who had seen war, and this young prince had certainly seen war.
Some priests countered that the commandment was clear, Nog would have said otherwise were it so simple. Nog wanted a king who had WON VICTORY, and won it for him
Other priests suggested that even the last king had not won victory, after all, he had not fought in many battles and had proclaimed Nog's name in victory only once, and then only according to some
...and all priests were in agreement that this prince was popular, and doubtless a capable ruler in all other respects, and the people would be much afflicted if he was not named king in the usual way.
...but the priests could not come to an agreement about whether he could rightwise be coronated king of Gishood. At least not easily.
and in time the prince grew restless and summoned three of the greatest priests to him. they met the prince in the company of the vizir Ghet (and indeed, it is Ghet and not the priests who we may blame for the misery that befell Gishood). The priests confessed they could come to no agreement, at least not yet, on whether the prince could properly be coronated king of Gishood.
”Can’t we just ask Nog?” The prince asked.
”Nog has been silent for a thousand years.” One priest said. “That’s why you have priests in the first place.”
This troubled the prince, and it troubled his vizir even more...and it was then that Ghet spoke the words that were the doom of all Gishood.
"It seems to me" he said "that this is too much power for the priests to wield. I propose you remain silent on the question of whether this prince has won a great victory for Nog. Were it in your power to say, YOU and YOU ALONE would determine who was king in Gishood. And that would suck."
"Do you not trust us to say when a dog has maimed or harmed a child?" Said one priest.
"Do you not trust us to say when a boatmaker has left a fault in a vessel?" said another.
"Do you not trust us to say when a man has been right in killing his fellow man?" said the third.
"Yep." Said Ghet, "But this is way worse than that. For the first time ever, your interpretations could affect the fate of the whole kingdom, and that sucks too."
The priests were not entirely sure that this was true, but it was the next thing that Ghet said which won them over, for Ghet said "Anyway, you can't even agree on whether the prince can be crowned. Even if you could, it would look arbitrary and piss a lot of people off, so you should remain silent on the question. What makes you so special anyway? Why, for all we know you could just be flipping a coin back at the monastery and using that to make your decisions. The process looks completely arbitrary to me, and that sucks most of all. You shouldn't say anything."
For whatever reason (the histories do not say) the priests of Nog found this persuasive, and when the three great priests returned to the high cloistered convents of Nog, they resolved to not speak on the question of the prince's right to be named king. That was, they decided, for some power greater than them to decide.
And when the day of the coronation came, the prince, flanked by two of the highest priests of Nog, approached the great citadel of Pnath, where the ever-vigilant guard stood ever vigilant...but as the prince approached, and the guard stood aside, seven of the tallest guardsmen refused to yield.
"Why do you not yield?" Said the prince.
"I keep the ninety-sixth commandment of Nog" said one guardsman.
"As do I" said another.
Until each in turn had said it.
The prince was incensed. "The priesthood has elected to remain silent on this very question!" the prince said with a stamp of his foot.
"I need no priest to tell me this" the tallest guardsman said. "I know in my heart you have not won a great victory for Nog, and does not the second commandment say HONOR EACH OF MY COMMANDMENTS IN TURN, AND YE WILL FIND REST AND SALVATION?"
"and does not the third" another guardsman said "say DEFY MY COMMANDMENTS, AND YE SHALL SUFFER AND PERISH?"
The prince turned to the priests on either side. "Tell these fools to stand aside."
"I have resolved to stay silent on this question." Said one priest. "For it was said among my order 'this is too much power for the priests, to interpret this commandment Nog.'"
"And so" the tallest guardsman said "The priests are silent, and I must decide. I decide I will not stand aside, for I too can read the commandments of Nog."
...and there was a minor (if bloody) scuffle on the steps of the citadel, as the prince's bodyguards killed the seven who refused to yield.
...and the prince approached the doors of the citadel.
...and the great oaken doors as well refused to open.
After a long and awkward silence, a courtier in the service of the prince brought him the news. "It seems the engineers are divided as well on the question of whether you have won a great victory for Nog" the courtier said. "They're going to defer to the engineer who’s best at engineering…after they figure out who that is."
"What gives them the right to do that?!" The prince cried.
"Well." The porter said meekly "it seems that since the priests refuse to give an answer, they've set about figuring it out for themselves. That was the way they chose to do it."
"this is a fine mess." The prince said. "And I, well versed in the ways of stories, fully expect that if we ever get these doors open you're going to tell me the twilight wardens of the citadel within, with their silken masks, are figuring out the question as well."
"Ah, no." The porter said. "They mostly killed themselves arguing about it last night"
"This sucks" said the Prince.
"This does suck." Said the Porter. "I have some good news though."
"Pray tell" Said the Prince.
"The eldest elder and the youngest youth are still within, and stand ready to speak." Said the porter.
"...now tell me the bad news." Said the prince, who was indeed wise in the ways of stories.
"...the eldest elder has decided to simply flip a coin because he can't figure it out." Said the porter. " Worse yet, the youngest youth has refused to say whether he will support or reject your coronation. He wants to see what you look like first...in fact given his role in the process it looks like he's actually the one that's going to make the decision. It could go either way."
"Nog Damn it." said the Prince, looking to each of his flanking priests in turn. "You have to do something."
"It is not for us to say." Said one priest. "Your vizir said himself that no mere priests should have this power."
"Well yeah..." the prince said. "But it looks like in not making a decision you've given that power to like, random people farther along in the process"
"That sucks" One priest said.
"But it's probably the will of Nog." The other priest said.
"Fuck, let's get this over with." Said the prince, and marched into the citadel by a little side door, in a most undignified fashion.
...and to this day no one knows whether that prince was named king by the eldest elder and the youngest youth within, for the priests grew silent soon on other matters, and withdrew, and the history of Gishood passed into legend.
...and to the this day no one knows whether the priests would have chosen more ably than the youngest youth...or the eldest elder...or the twilight wardens...or the ingenious engineers...or the ever vigilant guard.
...but to this day, all who dwell in Gishood understand that *someone* indeed would have made the choice, that fateful day.
For does not the fourth commandment of Nog say ANOTHER MAN SHALL TAKE UP WHAT YE CAST AWAY?